Golden Saucer Reverse
by WellingtonBoot
Summary: Everything was going so well, but when the FFVII gang arrive at the Golden Saucer Tifa sees something she shouldn't have. Her world begins to unravel as she begins to feel her fears have come true, but is she the only one in emotional turmoil?


**Golden Saucer Reverse**

Things had been going well between them, her and Cloud. They were definitely friends again. At least he had remembered that much. For the most of their journey she'd been happy as things were, hoping things would unravel in time, but then the other girl had entered their party. She was sweet and innocent both in appearance and in character. Tifa did not feel she was much of a match next to her with her rough and ready fists, powerful kicks and ultimately shy demeanour in comparison to this girl's sweet pink attire, delicate wrists and shameless outgoing flirtatiousness. Everyone knew who this girl liked and Tifa just happened to like the same guy.

Her name was pretty like she was. Her name was Aerith.

Despite Tifa's insecurities she had held onto hope until one final evening that had taken it all away from her; the night they had reached the Golden Saucer.

She had been asleep in the dark of one of the hotel rooms, a shallow although somewhat peaceful sleep, when a constricting in her chest had startled her awake. She found herself staring at the wall opposite her, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She turned to move off of her bed, not feeling well as she got to her feet, and carefully worked her way round the objects hidden in her path while her eyes adjusted slowly to the darkness. She looked towards the door. She just wanted to be in the cool draft in the hallway, to have a little more space to think.

As she got closer to the door she heard a soft giggling resonating through the wood and iron keyhole. It must have been coming from further down the hallway. Once she got right up against the door she took a sharp intake of breath. It was the the giggling of Aerith in her typically happy and flirtatious tone. Tifa decided to wait a moment but she heard nothing more. Eventually satisfied that Aerith was alone, she was about to open the door wide when she heard the low reply of a male voice she knew much too well vibrate through the air. Her hand froze in its clasp over the round silver doorknob. Her fingertips became cool as she moved them further around the knob and silently turned it in order to open the door very slightly, letting a small slit of light enter the bedroom. She manoeuvred herself quietly to look through the opening.

As she took in the image her eyes lost focus, and she felt her heart beating hard in her throat. The warmth threatened to go from her body. Cloud, standing so characteristically rigid, was receiving a peck from the pretty girl firmly on the lips. He did not move and neither did she. Tifa felt a tensing sensation in her arm. She quickly looked away and forced herself to shut the door slowly behind her until she could hear the soft scratching of the latch locking. It was accompanied cruelly by the sound of the kiss breaking. She tried to move away, planting herself in the opposite direction to the door but then fell gently back upon it. The movement was so light that they who were outside her door couldn't hear it as her head hit the hard groves of the carved wood. Her eyes were wide, stinging and burning, and her limbs were numb. Her legs began to fail her and she began to slip painfully down the door. She couldn't breathe.

_No, I must get up. I promised myself I'd never cry!_

But the weight, the pain, was too much. The world began to spin wildly beneath her as she crashed silently onto the tough carpet beneath her feet. Her hands shook as she folded in on herself, forming a mound against the door, motionless.

_No! Move!_

She choked on the dryness forming in her throat as she heard her own words rattling about in her head. She just couldn't...

_Move!_

She closed her eyes, feeling sick and shattered as she forced herself up with the support of nothing but useless air and stumbled haphazardly towards the twisted covers of her bed. She slid herself underneath them, quickly screwing herself into a tight ball, unable to feel any of the comfort they could provide her, and hid her head tightly in her now moist hands.

_I just can't... Not her... Cloud..._

She cried silently to sleep.

---

The warm sun was beaming through the window, warming up the covers and the girl coiled up within them. She felt the gentle heat on her face and began to wake. As her vision was clearing she suddenly felt the dryness in her throat, in her eyes, the fatigue she felt in her head and arms from all the tension from the night before and then she remembered everything else: the innocent giggling, his stance as Cloud hadn't moved away, the smile on the pretty girl's lips, how she had had to force herself to close the door, the sound of the latch locking, the sound of the kiss breaking...

Her world became bottomless beneath her once again in a convoluted blur of emotion. The warmth went; it was replaced by cold. She felt the thin cotton sheets chewed up in between her fingers in her desperate grasp, in her desperate attempt not to cry again. Of all things, she didn't want to cry again... but did it even matter any more?

"Tifa!"

There was a hard knocking at the door and then the sound of footsteps walking away. It was Cloud and his signal that she had to be ready within the hour to leave. She had heard the knocking but stayed where she was, paralysed by the now more vivid images of the night before flashing through her head. She felt too sick to move.

Forty minutes passed. She had remained motionless in her cold sanctuary.

There were three more loud bangs at the door.

"Tifa, are you up yet?

There was no answer.

"Tifa!" Cloud yelled.

There was a long pause, and then the sudden loud crash of a door being kicked open at the protesting screams of its hinges. There was a stomping of heavy boots into the centre of the room. It didn't take him long to see the long dark hair sprawled across the white cotton sheets of the bed in the corner. He forcefully calmed his stride and moved tentatively towards her. She was awake and breathing, but as he continued to approach he noticed how she was fiercely gripping the covers about her face and body like she was in intense pain. His brow furrowed.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She breathed heavily, trying to control herself from breaking down, from breaking in half in front of him.

Aerith, being in the room next door, had heard the commotion and emerged from her bedroom. She turned to see Tifa's room open and, concerned for her companion, turned to step inside but stopped dead in her tracks. Everything else in the room was completely insignificant in that moment except for the woman in the bed. She saw the form of the broken-hearted woman, crushed helplessly in heartache, and then she suddenly understood something else too: The previous night she had thought she had seen a movement behind Tifa's door but had placed it to the back of her mind. She had been too happy to think, but there and then she felt a sharp pulling at the back of her neck as she realised what had happened. Tifa had seen them. This was her fault. She had done this to her friend and comrade. With some resignation, Aerith took one last glance and closed the door gently behind her. She had no place here.

Cloud reached across the bed to place his hand on Tifa's shoulder and a thousand emotions rush over her at once. An invisible web of strings pulled on her insides and constricted her limbs further into her body as she winced at his touch, his concern. His frown deepened at her response.

"Look at me."

She had to resist trying to hide further in the bedclothes so as not to upset him any further. He just needed to go away. She just needed to get him away from her.

"I-" she managed.

"Look at me!" he demanded.

Out of time, she slowly she forced herself up onto her elbows, her face still hidden by her long dark hair. Concerned more than frustrated he was about to pull it out of the way to clear his view but the dark strands moved by themselves as she moved, exposing her deep brown eyes to his own glowing blue. That's when he noticed the red rim of her eyes and how tired she looked, but more than anything, the positive spark he was used to seeing had gone and he felt something twist at his insides.

She turned away to hide her eyes in her knees, behind her arms. She took a more regular breathing pattern. In between her attempts to swallow back the dry sensation that was now clogging her throat she found herself sniffling as Cloud watched intensely from beside her.

He got to his feet but instead of leaving like she hoped he would, he settled himself on the bed next to her and slowly pulled her into his arms. He sighed into her her hair. Her eyes opened briefly in surprise and then, as she felt his warm presence spread through her, her pain dissolved. Her head fell gently on to his chest. She kept it there. For that second she didn't care about anything else. Nothing else mattered. She felt safe and at home, at peace in this new warmth, even if he didn't realise it.

"We just have to keep going, no matter how hard it gets," he said. Her eyes opened wide as she recognised her own words being said back to her. "You told me that."

As he continued to hold her she no longer felt as lost. Her tears had now dried in the sunshine still sunning the bedsheets wrapped around them. He took a minute longer to say more:

"I can't explain this but I don't think I can do this without you, Tifa."

He held her a moment longer as he remained pensive before lifting his head slowly and gently releasing his embrace. He stood and started to cross the room for the door but in his last steps his feet became a little hesitant and his pace faltered. He wanted to look back to check to see if she was still okay, that her tears were still dry just to make sure he could leave her by herself. But then he felt he thought better of it; he was just being silly and of course she was fine. He doubted how much comfort could he really give her anyway. With a small swallow of his throat he held his tongue fast and took the final steps towards the door. He turned the knob.

Her skin was still warm with the memory of his arms against her and what he had said to calm her down. She drifted off into thought:

_Cloud needs me, even if it isn't like that. _She intertwined her bruised fingers from all the fighting as she prepared herself to try and accept what she now felt was the truth. Her thoughts continued,_ I must pull myself together and be what he needs; his positivity, his emotional strength. I can do this for Cloud, if not for me._ Holding this thought she gazed across at her pillows and forced a sad smile upon her face. This was all she needed, at least for now, and she'd make the most of the time she still had with him before his heart had gone to another for good. She could cope with that, at least until it was all over.

On the other side of the door a figure was still left standing with a hand on the doorknob, half turned, and holding an unsure stance uncharacteristic of himself. Just a fraction of space was left between the door and its lock as Cloud remained frozen in his movement, unable to close it. His jaw tightened as a feeling he couldn't quite identify rose and fell in his chest. It had been a mixture of intense warmth and cold; comfort and confusion, leaving his eyes unsettled and his extended arm stiff. Words were being left unspoken from his lips.

_I just..._

He sighed and folded over in his inner-world. He still didn't know what he was trying to say or why. Maybe he would never know.

With a final reluctance he put it to the back of his mind. He pulled the door closed.


End file.
